Bette Midler - Bette on the Boards

Johnny Carson		She's like from another era. I think she almost describes herself that way. Her singing, she likes the old fashioned songs. And ah, she's back with us tonight. Would you welcome her please, Bette Midler.
Bette Midler		This song was originally heard in the motion picture "Gold Diggers of 1933." I'm reviving it because even though it's forty years old, I think it's still relevant, unfortunately, to today. Remember My Forgotten Man (Al Dubin, Harry Warren) I don't know if I deserve a bit of sympathy Save your sympathy, that's all right with me I was satisfied to drift along from day to day 'Till you came and took my man away Remember my forgotten man You put a rifle in his hand You sent him far away You shouted hip hooray But look at him today Remember my forgotten man You had him cultivate your land He stood behind your plow The sweat fell from his brow And look at him right now And once he used to love me Oh, I was so happy then He used to take care of me Won't you bring him back again 'Cause ever since this world began A woman's got to She has got to have a man Oh, and forgetting him you see Means you're forgetting me Like you Like you forgot Oh, Oh My man [applause] Hello.
Johnny Carson		I get the impression you just came through the drapes of an old mystery picture. [audience laughs]
Bette Midler		No.
Johnny Carson		Are the guests here yet?
Bette Midler		Von Sternberg, if you please.
Johnny Carson		Do you remember what she said to me? Last time you were on the show, we didn't talk, you sang a couple of songs. And I walked out having said hello. Do you remember what you said?
Bette Midler		Oh, I sure do.
Johnny Carson		It was the craziest reaction.
Bette Midler		I said.
Johnny Carson		"Ohhh! It's you!" And you'd just been on the show.
Bette Midler		You know why? Because you're so much taller than I thought you were.
Johnny Carson		Really?
Bette Midler		Oh, you're very cute.
Johnny Carson		Thank you.
Bette Midler		Oh, you are.
Johnny Carson		Thank you.
Bette Midler		Yes. But you're so tall, and I don't relate very well to tall people. No offence. [Bette pats Ed] Oooo. I don't relate well to tall people.
Johnny Carson		It's alright, you may touch the announcer. [audience laughs]
Bette Midler		No, because I . . .
Ed McMahon		You're relating well right now.
Bette Midler		Because . . .
Johnny Carson		Throw him a bone and pet him, and he'll bring you the paper.
Bette Midler		Yeah, oh yeah? Because I'm short myself, you know, and most of my friends are short. I like to look at people's eyes.
Johnny Carson		Ahhh.
Bette Midler		Oh, it's nice to be here.
Johnny Carson		Hey, it's good to have you back.
Bette Midler		Thank you very much.
Johnny Carson		Did you have a good reaction to the first time you were on the show?
Bette Midler		Oh, wow, it was wonderful! I got a job out of it.
Johnny Carson		Really?
Bette Midler		Oh, yes.
Johnny Carson		I'm glad to hear that.
Bette Midler		Oh, yes. I am, I think, probably the only female singer in America today who works in a Turkish bath. [audience laughs] I got this job in this really elegant beautiful Turkish bath. And I sing there Friday and Saturday night. And they really love me there.
Johnny Carson		Turkish baths?
Ed McMahon		Turkish bath?
Bette Midler		In a Turkish bath.
Johnny Carson		Gracie?
Bette Midler		Yes. You know, it's a health club, you see.
Johnny Carson		Yeah.
Bette Midler		And uh . . .
Johnny Carson		Is this a men's?
Bette Midler		Oh, men only. Yes. And they all sit on Friday and Saturday night for an hour while I entertain them, and in their towels, and when they love me they throw them at me. [audience laughs] And I just, I love it there.
Johnny Carson		That's better than a big hand, isn't it?
Bette Midler		Oh, you can say that again.
Johnny Carson		I never heard of such a thing in my life.
Ed McMahon		We've got to go to this Friday night.
Bette Midler		Oh, it's incredible. It's called The Continental Baths, and it's a very happy place.
Johnny Carson		It's like a steam room? Do they sit around with the steam and the towels?
Bette Midler		Oh, yes. Yes. The first week I was there it was like being in the middle of a Tarzan movie though. It was very hot, 'cause they had no air conditioning. But then the next week they put air conditioning in. Now it's very comfortable. And ah . . .
Johnny Carson		Well who accompanies you? Do you have any accompaniment?
Bette Midler		I have a piano player and a drummer.
Johnny Carson		Do they have to wear towels?
Bette Midler		Oh yes. No, they don't wear towels, but the gentleman who come to the bath do.
Johnny Carson		How long have you been doing this?
Bette Midler		I've been doing that, this, for lets see, a couple of weeks now, since I was on the show.
Johnny Carson		That's the wildest thing I have ever heard in my . . . I didn't know the Turkish baths had entertainment.
Bette Midler		Oh, yes.
Ed McMahon		I didn't know it either.
Bette Midler		Oh, yes.
Ed McMahon		We've been going to the wrong joints. [audience laughs]
Johnny Carson		You're not kidding. We get the guy that's got the trained duck. That's all we get. But that is wild.
Bette Midler		Oh, yes.
Johnny Carson		But you wouldn't want to stay there forever, would you?
Bette Midler		Well, it's a . . .
Ed McMahon		It's a start.
Bette Midler		Actually . . .
Johnny Carson		Of course.
Bette Midler		Well . . . listen . . .
Johnny Carson		Work up to a steam bath, pretty soon you're in riding the Jacuzzi whirlpool. [audience laughs] From there it's wide open.
Bette Midler		I'm very happy there because they're very kind to me, you know. And they love me. And they're very, you know, they're just wonderful. They give me standing ovations. I really look forward to those. [audience laughs] I really look forward to those because then it's just, all the towels just drop on the floor. And the whole, just, the joint just goes wild. And I go wild.
Johnny Carson		That is the craziest thing I have ever heard of. You're not, you're not putting me on with this now?
Bette Midler		Oh no, I would never put you on.
Johnny Carson		Ah, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard of in my life. And you like that?
Bette Midler		Oh, I love it. Wouldn't you? [audience laughs] Wouldn't you?
Johnny Carson		I don't know.
Bette Midler		I mean, I am the only woman there. And I'm surrounded by, like on a good night, like four hundred men. And it's . . .
Johnny Carson		What do you finish with, the Star Spangled Banner?
Bette Midler		Oh!
Johnny Carson		You know you got a, you got a big finish.
Bette Midler		You know that's a good idea!
Johnny Carson		You like that, huh?
Bette Midler		Oh, that's wonderful.
Johnny Carson		America The Beautiful. Anything.
Bette Midler		Oh anything, dear.
Ed McMahon		[laughs]
Johnny Carson		Weird. Weird. You all settled down now?
Bette Midler		Oh yes, I feel much better.
Johnny Carson		This is easy, relax.
Bette Midler		Yeah.
Johnny Carson		Did you get any recording offers?
Bette Midler		Oh, as a matter of fact a gentleman came up to me at the bath and asked me if I had ever been recorded, and I had to tell him no. But he said he would like to do it for me, he would like to do some recording for me. So the next night he brought his tape recorder in. [audience laughs]
Johnny Carson		Must be with one of the biggies, huh?
Bette Midler		Oh, it was, it . . . actually, I'm so anxious to . . .
Johnny Carson		Brought his tape recorder in?
Bette Midler		He brought, yeah . . . what can I say? I like it there though, it's sort of like a womb, but I'm going to break out any day now, and hit Vinnie's Boom Boom Room Inn.
Johnny Carson		You're not signed with a recording outfit yet?
Bette Midler		No.
Johnny Carson		That surprises me, really.
Bette Midler		Does it?
Johnny Carson		Yes, it does.
Bette Midler		How nice.
Johnny Carson		No, it does.
Bette Midler		Surprises me too.
Johnny Carson		I think we ought to get you . . .
Bette Midler		But I haven't really been singing that long, you know. I've only been singing for about a year and a half.
Johnny Carson		Is that right?
Bette Midler		Yeah.
Johnny Carson		Did you study?
Bette Midler		Umm. I studied. I didn't get any vocal training, no. Uh, see I'm from Honolulu.
Johnny Carson		Oh you are?
Bette Midler		Yeah. And my mother didn't give me music lessons, she gave me hula lessons, you see. And it didn't quite prepare me for the big trip to New York. Because nobody wants to see you do the Hula. They ahh . . .
Johnny Carson		Just in Honolulu.
Bette Midler		Just in Honolulu . . . and they didn't care to see it then either. I must confess.
Johnny Carson		Did you Hula well?
Bette Midler		Actually, I did. I did. Not the body, but the hands were very expressive.
Johnny Carson		The hands tell a story, don't they?
Bette Midler		Yes.
Doc Severinsen		Why don't we see a little demonstration.
Johnny Carson		Well, if she feels like it, I know I don't wanna . . .
Bette Midler		Oh you're joking. Oh you are joking. Oh. Do you know Moon of Manakoora?
Doc Severinsen		Moon of Manakoora
Bette Midler		Go ahead, sing it.
Doc Severinsen		The Moon of Manakoora
Everyone		Filled the night
Johnny Carson		Here comes Jon Hall now.
Bette Midler		The moon of Manakoora came in sight And brought you to my eager arms [Johnny makes wave sounds] The moon of Manakoora soon will rise again
Johnny Carson		Surf breaking.
Bette Midler		Above the island shore Shore. This is the shore. This is the water. Then I'll behold it in your dusky eyes Oh Doc.
Johnny Carson		Hey.
Bette Midler		And you'll be in my arms once more
Doc Severinsen		How about that folks.
Johnny Carson		That was The Moon Of Manakoora number three. And now Helo Hattie.
Bette Midler		Ahhhh. You know, it is my, it's my . . .
Johnny Carson		I use to work with Harry Owens, did you know that?
Bette Midler		Did you? No, I didn't.
Johnny Carson		Yes, I did.
Bette Midler		For heavens sake.
Johnny Carson		We use to do a show. Harry's got a new book out I think. And you know, Helo Hattie, I use to do a show with him on the west coast around 1950.
Bette Midler		Oh, for heavens sake.
Johnny Carson		And ah, all of that jazz.
Bette Midler		He's marvelous.
Johnny Carson		That's why I can charm in like this and knew all those special sound effects.
Doc Severinsen		Yes, you do great surf.
Johnny Carson		Humm?
Doc Severinsen		You do great surf.
Johnny Carson		Ah. Not a big call for it, but . . . somebody told me you worked in a pineapple factory?
Bette Midler		Oh yes. I worked in the pineapple cannery for three summers.
Johnny Carson		Canning pineapples?
Bette Midler		Canning pineapple. Putting the pineapple in the cans.
Johnny Carson		Is that difficult?
Bette Midler		I was very fortunate actually, because they, I shouldn't say this, but they didn't hire too many white women for that particular job. But I was so, I was very anxious for money 'cause I never got a cent from anybody at home.
Johnny Carson		Yeah.
Bette Midler		So I had to put myself through school and all this stuff. So there I was in the middle of the pineapple cannery.
Johnny Carson		That's hard work.
Bette Midler		It was very hard work. I was on my feet for eight hours, with half an hour off for lunch and a ten minute break at a dollar and a quarter an hour. And that, I think that's sort of slave wages these days.
Johnny Carson		Ah, don't mention the company, right off. [audience laughs]
Bette Midler		Oh I wouldn't. No. I worked for one of those schlockier outfits, you see. Umm . . .
Johnny Carson		Alan Vito's Pineapple Company. Mm, they're regulars, yes, factories second pineapples to go. Bring your own bag. [audience laughs]
Bette Midler		[laughing] I worked . . . I . . .
Ed McMahon		No hole in the middle.
Johnny Carson		[laughing] No hole in the middle.
Johnny Carson		Allan Vito keep that. Sell that as Popsicles.
Bette Midler		I worked for one of the companies that didn't have music, you see.
Johnny Carson		Didn't have music?
Bette Midler		That didn't have music. Ah, I mean . . .
Johnny Carson		All those happy workers, they have the music in the background.
Bette Midler		Yes! You know how it is with chickens?
Johnny Carson		[laughing] I don't even know how it is with pineapples.
Bette Midler		No. No. Not . . .
Johnny Carson		How is it with chickens?
Bette Midler		With chickens, they pipe music into chickens, and then the chickens lay better and faster and bigger. [Johnny laughs] No, they do, they do . . .
Johnny Carson		Don't we all. [audience laughs]
Bette Midler		Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Am I wrong?
Johnny Carson		I've got to stay out of that desert sun. Really. It starts to shrink the brain down to a pineapple size. No, just a little jest there. That's a silly silly crazy thing to say.
Bette Midler		Oh, that's alright.
Johnny Carson		But they have found that that is true.
Bette Midler		That is true.
Johnny Carson		Even plants, if you play music.
Bette Midler		Oooo, I . . .
Johnny Carson		They grow better.
Bette Midler		Yeah. Ooo, you know, I watched you once, you had a lady on who said that if you talk to your plant, it would grow. And I have been talking to my plants, and they . . .
Johnny Carson		And they're talking back? [audience laughs]
Bette Midler		No. One of them passed on to its reward. [audience laughs] Ahhh, but he was, it was a beautiful little Umbellata.
Johnny Carson		Awwwww. Umbellata went bye bye.
Bette Midler		And it was very fragile and it just . . . I was talking to it and I was trying to get it, get it some . . . 'cause that's what the lady said . . . and her plants were growing.
Johnny Carson		Well, they're probably very sensitive. Oh, he's on, the fellow who did this article, Doctor Millstein, is on Wednesday night.
Bette Midler		Oh, I will watch that.
Johnny Carson		Who has done an article on talking to your plants.
Ed McMahon		Yeah?
Johnny Carson		Doctor Millstein is not playing with a full deck. [audience laughs] No, I shouldn't say that. Doctor Millstein has great credentials.
Bette Midler		Oh, I wish I did.
Doc Severinsen		What do you say to a plant?
Johnny Carson		What?
Doc Severinsen		What do you say to a plant?
Bette Midler		Well, you say good morning.
Johnny Carson		Well, what does the plan care? Hi, how are ya plant?
Bette Midler		No, you say good morning, and you're very pleasant to it.
Johnny Carson		How's your mulch?